isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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