There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
