I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
