And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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