My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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