but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
