Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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