I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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