the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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