That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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