i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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