:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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