when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
