Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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