The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
