I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize