So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize