the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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