took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize