And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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