He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
