remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
