absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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