I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
