i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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