my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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