Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
