So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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