she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need a beard to bite.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
