Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
