I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize