I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
