Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
