Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're too hungover to prance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize