not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My ass is underappreciated
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
