I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
