i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
