actually, I'm a sock model
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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