Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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