i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
