What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
