did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
