I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
