today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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