i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
