hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
