We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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