just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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