My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am naked and annoyed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
