I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
