Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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