I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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