I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
