i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
