she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
