so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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