well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
