so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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