New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
