we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
