Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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