Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize