I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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