You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize