Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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