Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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