At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
